Pulling myself up by my bootstraps

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Warning: This is a kvetching post. Read on at your own risk, I had to be such a downer. For some reason, I am unable to fully believe in myself in the workplace - self-doubts I never had while I was in school come creeping up into me, and I find myself apologizing for things that are just mistakes as though I'm the only person who ever would have made them. Yes, I have a bit of a Type A perfectionism thing going on that is definitely leftover from school - a 100% was preferred over a 90% every single time in how I viewed my abilities - and yes I have a sort of superiority complex that really can't exist at work, you can't be the best at something new. But I hate not understanding things, and I get frustrated easily, so it would make sense that at each new job, the starting over at the bottom of the ladder is harder and harder.  Yesterday my boss sat down with me and advised me to take my time with tasks and assignments, check over the final products, get verification of responses from the get-go rather than having to go back after-the-fact. And it was all presented to me very professionally and earnestly, although I could tell she was herself frustrated at having to take time to have such a conversation, there was nothing angry or shaming about it, and yet I felt absolutely discouraged. I hate having to be told I'm doing something wrong, or that I could be doing anything better, and even though that is the very point of learning - making mistakes until you get things right, always, always, always having to improve and better your performance, it is still always frustrating for me to hear. Especially because I convince myself that no one else has to hear feedback like mine,. And maybe no one here has, maybe that's the case, but people all over the world receive constructive criticism everyday  (right...?) And it also proves that they want to keep me around, want me to improve (even if it is just that they don't want to go through the hassle of having to find someone new with which to replace me, that really isn't the point) - the point is that I wasn't laid off, I wasn't fired, I wasn't reprimanded harshly, or docked in pay. I was simply spoken to, instructed firmly, and advised to improve. There's nothing so awful about any of that, outside of a bruised ego, so I wish I could just take the lesson as it was intended, bring my best to the workplace everyday, and just do the best that I can, asking questions and getting clarification along the way, no matter how busy or frazzled those who have the knowledge I seek, may seem. I hate being a burden, I hate not getting things, and I hate having tasks pile up, preferring instead to finish things quickly in a manner of big-picture-"well-enough", which are all things that do not bode well in corporate workplaces. So they are things I must improve upon.

That is all that was brought up yesterday - ways for me to improve and become an asset to my team. There is nothing so wrong about that. I just wish my heart and confidence could catch up with my head that speaks like that. And so, I begin this Thursday with a truly venting post, because I ran out of time to journal it last night, and typing is so much faster for me anyway. I do so hope I didn't bring anyone down with my venting, I just had to get some insecurities out. So there you have it. Consistency is the key, keeping myself moving forward and working hard in those moments when I'm burned out and just want to take the easy way out. I can't do that. That's not what a company pays you for. So I gotta keep pushing myself. I just have to do it.

Happy Thursday all, and wish me luck on this self-improvement tour.Also, bravo if you read this whole thing!

Frankenstein!

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I recently attended a televised showing of "Frankenstein", put on by the National Theater in London, and directed by Danny Boyle. With a book written by Nick Dear, and based on Mary Shelley's novel, this theatrical representation of the Gothic novel stars Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller in alternating roles as Victor Frankenstein and his Creature, and it made for a truly engaging night. We were lucky enough to be treated to a pre-show discourse - highlighting the directors'/actors'/literary types' views on the original novel and the adaptation, it was the sort of film that surely would have been looped in the theater's foyer while patrons milled about sipping cocktails before curtain. It certainly set up the show effectively, however, as both Miller and Cumberbatch highlighted their take on the roles of, respectively, the Creature and Frankenstein, which were the same roles our taped version of the play found them in. NYU offered a second viewing of the role reversal but as we had only purchased one set of tickets I am, unfortunately, unable to compare the two. 

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Boyle's adaptation of Shelley's novel skirted gently along several of the standard discussion topics of this story - landing heavily on neither Man-Playing-God nor the question of what is it to be human, although very much representing the Creature as the victim of his situation. Such tends to be the case, both in film representations of the novel and in other theatrical endeavors, but it must be stated that without Miller's endearing take on the Creature, it may have been easy to see him as strictly that, sans the human elements that  made the Creature's fate so heartbreaking. Cumberbatch's Frankenstein felt a bit more one-dimensional. Egotistical and driven to prove his dominance over the intelligence of his fellow-man even as this drive destroyed all that defines one as human - family, love, empathy for your fellow man, Cumberbatch made it hard to sympathize with Frankenstein's end-game, and whether that was a conscientious decision on his part or the director's, it did not make for equality in what is essentially a 2-character storyline.

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In sum, I just have to say that the chance to have seen this performance live would have been nothing short of breathtaking. In the theater, once the film stopped rolling, the audience clapped right along with the telecast London audience, and we even followed in their footsteps with an encore curtain call. With delightful actors, fluid sets, and strong direction, the National Theater's "Frankenstein" made for a not-to-be-missed night.

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"Frankenstein" is produced by the National Theater in London, located at South Bank, London SE1 9PX, and plays at the Olivier Theater  through May 2, 2011. It has a running time of 2 hours, without an intermission, and tickets can by purchased by calling +44 (0)20 7 452 3000 or emailing boxoffice@nationaltheatre.org.uk.

Exploration

 Since moving to New York City I haven't been doing too much exploring, considering how expansive the 5 boroughs of New York are.But I feel that going for a meal in a new neighborhood is a perfect reason to make a night of exploring, which is how I found myself in Astoria, Queens last night, dining on a truly fabulous burger at Sweet Afton. I know I just wrote about eating burgers a few posts ago, and I actually don't eat them with such regularity as it would seem, but truly, this may have been the best burger I've ever eaten. A fact which was was 100% due to the bun. It was more like a roll, was hearty and didn't crumble at any point during the meal. Fab. Added bonus? The bar itself is quaint too, open beamed ceilings, dimly lit, with quick, friendly service, and a good selection of drinks. I highly recommend you check this place out; after all, a good burger in a relaxed bar always makes for a good night!.

Sweet Afton Bar is located at 30-09 34th Street, Astoria, NY 11103, or they can be reached at (718) 777-2570

Kickin' off the week

Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.

This weekend was a very lovely one - I ate a delicious meal with friends Friday night, had a friend in town for a whirlwind tour of the city Saturday, and on Sunday had brunch with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in awhile, and saw a truly fantastic telecast of the National Theater's production of "Frankenstein" - which was an all-around magnificent performance.Then I awoke this morning, admittedly tired and facing a full day, but was greeted by the sun. The wind may be cold and brisk, but the skies are clear and I just have to hope that soon, soon, Spring will come. Regardless, more on "Frankenstein" will come soon, when I have more time to properly speak on it, but until then, I hope everyone's week starts off on as high as note as mine!

Finally!

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After a particularly trying week and a nearly constant state of dissatisfaction - I apologize to you, dear friends, if too much of my apathy and restlessness annoyingly seeped through these recent posts - I am thrilled to welcome Friday into my life! Despite my general angsty-ness, I have been squirreling in some spoiled me time in the evenings lately, watching "Sex and the City" while doing laundry, drinking wine in the quiet of my picked-up apartment, and enjoying how much later the sun stays up during my walks home from work.Yes, I'm a neatnik and I enjoy the simple things. So here's to a weekend of more of that, along with the company of a good friend who will be staying with me, albeit briefly.  (Also, everyone love how I can't be bothered to post pictures I've actually taken anymore? Me too. It so perfectly highlights my laziness.) Let the weekend commence!

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More snow

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When I got so excited about the snow upon my first winter in New York City, everyone rolled their eyes and explained patiently to me that I would one day despise the snow I was so in awe of at the moment. I did not believe them. I do now.

It snowed again last night. After the technical first day of spring, and after one of the most glorious days of 70 degree weather I have known since leaving San Diego.The worst part being that, while winter seems to be abusing most of the United States - California has yet more rainfall and storms heading their way, and the midwest and northeast continue to get pummeled by snow - this is really not so abnormal as I keep being told. Winter generally continues through March and often in April there will still be bouts of snowfall. I live in the northeast now, these are the facts. So be it, but let me just say that now I understand the Winter Blues. Happy Thursday, all, and I hope Friday comes sooner rather than later...

Really? THIS is spring?

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I awoke to a mix of snow and rain this morning. It's a strange sort of scenario - I do love the rain, truly. I prefer it over snow, completely, and I like the coziness that is inherent with being inside while it rains outside. I like how rain drops cling to branches and my nose, I love how clean the world appears after a good rainfall. So I can't even say that I'm totally disgruntled about this weather, when I'm in the moment of it. However, it is nothing short of jarring to be faced with the fact that this sort of weather - not just rain, after all, but also snow - is still pelting the northeast at the end of March. To this California girl, March has always, always, always been the start of spring - the first day of spring literally falls within this month! So, I find myself torn, between enjoying the coziness of the weather, wanting to bundle up in a warm sweater, sip hot cocoa, maybe bake something, and realizing that I most certainly cannot do these things, because this is supposed to be spring. Leading the way into summer, which can never allow for any sort of bundling, opting instead for the lightest and wispiest of layers. It's a strange conundrum for me, to be sure.

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A spring in my step!

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Yes my Monday was a doozy, but the rain and cold didn't help any, and today I awoke, much more rested, to sun and blue skies with only minimal clouds scuttling across the expanse. In my energized mood, I threw on a necklace and earrings (I'm not a very styled dresser as-is, throwing accessories into the mix is usually too much to ask for), tossed on a new-to-me beige trench and dashed outside. Coming down the stairs I realized just how badly I wanted to go shopping for a new wardrobe. Sadly, going shopping for much of anything is impossible right now - sans maybe food - but a girl can dream! So instead of actual clothes, here are some current inspirations.

Monday mornings without warnings...

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A little "Mamas and Papas" reference for this dreary Monday morning. This weekend was definitely not long enough. A dear friend from California was in town for the weekend, I did far too much imbibing all around, and I spent Sunday, when not in bed, bemoaning, over some delicious burgers, just how awful Mondays were and how sad it was that Monday was to be here so soon already. So, as you can see, having to get up early and go into work today was less than fun, but in order to try to make your Mondays a little less dreary, here's some nauseatingly cute stuff to hopefully at least make you smile. I just love that octopus.We'll get through this day my friends, together!

 

TGIF!

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It's Friday, Friday, Frida-y! (Sung like Grace's "Money, Money, Mone-y!" ditty from my ultimate favorite show, Will & Grace) We've made it through the week! I've made it through a week that made my preferred optimistic outlook a little hard to keep up - from a kvetching-to-no-end roommate to a messy house guest, two nights of drinks with limited funds, and endlessly busy days at work, I have come upon Friday at last. I have a friend in town this weekend, so hopefully I will see her for a bit on Saturday, but the rest of the time I intend to get caught up on the rest of my life. I need to make a Goodwill run to drop off piles of clothes that have built up, desperately need to do laundry, and very much need to replenish my cupboards at the grocery store. I hope everyone has a very relaxing, reviving weekend, and I'll see you all on Monday! And no, that piccy has nothing to do with anything, I just love it because she looks so very French chic. Tres magnifique.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Top o' the mornin' to ya! Here we are, the morning of the greatest celebration of Irish heritage that this country has ever known, and I am to be celebrating it, for the first time ever, in New York City. The tales I have heard about how St. Patrick's Day goes down in this island city are riveting enough, as all tales are from those who work the sorts of jobs - or call in sick to the other sorts of jobs - which allow one to start celebrating at 10 am. I have a little bit o' Irish in me, but I am quite excited to see how those of true Irish heritage celebrate tonight. Plus, there's a typical New York parade - with all the traffic I'm endlessly impressed with how diligently this metropolis puts together truly massive parades for seemingly any occasion - so I'll be able to pop down at lunch and feel a part of the festivities, at least for a little while, until after-work celebrations can begin in earnest. Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone, enjoy some Jameson or a Guinness, but please be safe!

Still Winter Here...

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It would appear that winter wants to make a go of it before the promised weekend highs of weather in the 60's and potentially even 70's - it was rainy and windy this morning, not miserably stormy but irritating enough to have to walk to work in. Sans umbrella. Because that's how I roll. My annoyance is probably exacerbated, however, by the fact that this week is shaping up to be a real doozy end-to-end. I, in typical fashion, have spread myself a bit thin with promises I've made to friends for various meet ups and hangouts, another friend to whom I offered my room prior to a big move, but with whom strife has begun - with dramatic intensity - with my roommate, making even going home a dreaded event. And then there's work, where the overworked result of my evenings spent playing mediator between roommate and house guest, and making recommendations to visitors planning trips east, results in yours truly making stupid mistakes and getting reprimanded by the powers-that-be. Basically, it's only Wednesday and I'm ready to pull my hair out. If I can just get a solid 8 hours of sleep in tonight, tomorrow should indeed be rosier. Thanks for letting a girl vent a little.

Past Due

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In spite of how hard I work to remain optimistic and upbeat in my everyday life, I am long overdue in touching on the tragic events that have happened to, and won't seem to let loosen their grip on, Japan. Thoughts and prayers are of course helpful to us thinking them, but a donation made to the rescue efforts can do infinitely more good. I realize money can be a scarce commodity, but if you have anything to spare, these victims in Japan could certainly use our help. Natural disasters seem to be relentless of late, all around the world. We have to be there for each other, in whatever capacity we can, to help in picking up the pieces and trying to grasp onto whatever hope remains.

Spring is Springing!

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Today is a beautiful day here in Manhattan. The sky is clear and pale blue, the breeze, while chilly, isn't as frigid as it was yesterday, and in general it was just very lovely walking to work today. Makes me excited for the upcoming experience of my first real spring, and the impending humidity of summer, which I am also actually look forward to, namely to see if I can adequately survive it. I definitely think ice cream will help ease those steamy days, and I must admit that a little sweet treat while strolling through today's lovely weather would be a much nicer way to spend the hours than plugging away on deadlines at work. Ah well, absence of free time makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Happy Tuesday all!

Busy Weekend!

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So that glorious weekend that I told you about on Friday, while it was glorious, was also a lot busier than I had anticipated. Namely because I think we all underestimate how much stuff we each own. Which is simply to say that I helped a friend move this weekend, and it truly did take up the better part of the weekend rather than the single afternoon that had been forecast. However, I also saw the aesthetically beautiful "Jane Eyre", spied Andrien Brody walking into the theater as I was exiting, celebrated a friends' birthday, and ate my first (finally!) Bánh mì sandwich, which was just as deliciously savory as I had hoped. I hope all your weekends were just as relaxingly productive (Like that one? It totally makes sense for my weekend). And now, onto Monday!

It's Friday!

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There really is nothing lovelier than the Friday before a weekend that has just enough plans to give me daily motivation to get up and get moving but is not so jam-packed that I have to set my alarm clock to wake up either Saturday or Sunday. Thus, I am in a rather happy mood, even as I feel today will be a doozy of a Friday at work. I have celebratory birthday drinks with some friends tonight (no, not my birthday), and a clothing swap on Saturday afternoon to look forward to. Sunday will be spent helping a friend pack in preparation for an international move, but I am a big believer in karma as well as being there for your friends, and my neurotic organizational penchant is rather looking forward to the task. Plus, I've been promised a movie afterwards as a thank you. I hope you all have wonderful weekends!

Rainy Day

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Today is supposed to be very, very rainy. As in flood warning rainy. I didn't realize quite how melancholy this picture was until I enlarged it just now, but I think I'm going to keep it. I like rainy days - I prefer rain to snow any day of the week - and the fact that I'll be safely ensconced in my work building all day, and have no obligations after work means I'm rather looking forward to the sound of rain against my windowpane while I lounge around this evening. For your own rainy day enjoyment, here's some nostalgic pictures of Hollywood darlings playing, lounging, and cozying up while the skies cried.

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Friendship

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If there's two things this move to the eastern coast has taught me, it's that self-reliance is of key importance, and that I have more than enough of it, and that a group of good friends is key to my happiness. I love and miss all the friends I left behind in San Diego and scattered throughout Northern California, and it definitely helps to know that a few of them have migrated to this same neck of the woods, landing in pockets of the north east. But having a network of girls to be able to bond with in my immediate city is vital to my happiness, and I am relieved to see that such a network is finally developing for me. When I look at the big picture, I really have only been in New York for 6 months, so the timeline of working-settling-making friends has unfolded very sensibly. It's just nice to feel like I'm hitting a true comfort zone where the necessities I need are truly coming to fruition, not to include just money-habits-shelter, but also to include friends-outings-laughter. It's also refreshing to so tangibly experience how I function - completely changing my world has brought me back to the basics of what I want. And I'm making it.

These are just pictures of friendships portrayed on television, only because posts without pictures tend to annoy me, and I've already done one of those this week. Happy Wednesday, all!

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Kate. Is. It.

I saw this picture (and info on a collaboration with Longchamp) posted over at HSquaredFashion and was mesmerized, as ever, by the beauty of Kate Moss. In spite of, or maybe because of, her various tabloid problems over the years, she really is one of the few It girls of fashion, and she never fails to delight me whenever I see her all done up and working her zsa zsa zu for the cameras. Here's a few more piccys, just because.

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Monday Musings

Sometimes it's important for each of us to remember to take care of ourselves, rather than keep other people happy. Maybe this little quote says it best, especially in regards to the need for freedom.

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
- Hans Christian Andersen

Happy Monday, all!

Afternoon Thoughts: It's also very important to realize that we all have our own paths. I'm hitting a strange point in my life where the pressure to be in a relationship feels immense and overwhelming, but if something doesn't feel right, I have to respect my gut instinct, no matter how much it doesn't make sense on paper. I realize none of this is making any sense to any of you reading, but rest assured that being asked why/how one is not in a relationship every time one's single, and then hitting a point when one's close friends are getting married and having babies, is bound to wreak havoc on one's mindset and comfort in how her life has been led thus far. Freedom is a key necessity for me, and I guess it's important for me to remind myself that, hopefully with the right guy, it won't feel like any freedom is being taken away, just that there's added excitement to get to hang out with a best friend. Hopefully.

3, 5, 7, 9, 11...

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Okay, so counting odd numbers has nothing to do with anything in post, except that it's March 7 (3/7/11) and today is my mother's birthday. So Happy Birthday to my amazing mom! I'm not sure that she reads this blog with any ergularity, but if so I hope she sees this and knows my love extends allllll the way from New York City, center of the universe! Truly though, Mom, I'll be calling you tonight for a real-time birthday chat-session, but I hope your day is just great. I love you, and Happy Birthday!

Summer's Coming!

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Yes the weather may still be frigid and I may very well have a few more gripes up my sleeve about that fact, but it is undeniable that summer is coming. With that comes a lot of half-nakey time. I am a sun bunny in every sense of the word, I could tan, doze, sleep, read, chat, and doze again in the sun from morning til night. Due to this propensity to be wearing as little as possible during the months of July and August (June in San Diego already rendered itself gloomy, so I never got into that habit), I have to start getting myself into bikini shape now. And so, to the gym I must go. Consistently. Because the embarrassing 2 times I think I went this entire winter, did me no favors. So, here's some physique inspiration to get me to start doing my 30 minutes a day, and happy Friday to all!

Warning: Gripe Post

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Well, it's official. I am 100% over winter. I cannot believe what people tell me - that there is potentially 2 more months of winter weather ahead. Thank god the skies have been blue of late; but that does not change the fact that this morning on my commute in, it was so cold that I could see my breath the whole walk, and I had to put on my gloves. I had to put on my gloves in March! This Southern California girl is becoming disgruntled. Disconcerting how much my optimism can plummet compared to yesterdays post, isn't it? I think the winter blues really are an actual fact, and I have them.

All right, enough belly aching! Just a request, for those of you who are in sunny California: please think of me as you enjoy the sun and warmth that I'm sure is smiling down on you with far more frequency than it is me. That is all. Thank you.

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