[Insert Clever Post Here]

 {Image via}

I'm tired guys. It was a long weekend of finalizing the packing and good-byes of a houseguests' international move, and today is gloomy and cold, and I am tired. I have another friend coming into town on Tuesday, and no I'm not sure how it is that I've ended up so tightly booked with houseguests these past couple months. I guess everyone hears Spring and New York City, and wants to take a trip. Kudos to my roommate for stoically handling the hotel I've turned her apartment into. Regardless, the whimsy of this picture was intended to lift my spirits a bit and send me off to make it through the day. I hope you all do the same, and New Yorker's, you kids stay dry out there today!

Thankful

 {Image via}

Not only did writing all that out yesterday help me to get my mind off the embarrassment and into the zone of working hard as-is, but it reminded me just how cathartic getting things out of my head is. I also was pleasantly surprised, once all the negativity was literally spilled out onto a page, that I felt lighter, more able to focus, more whole. I felt like myself again. And the day picked up from there. My boss and I fell back into comfortable conversation, a very important transition for me as I am so overly-sensitive that I take criticism of work or performance to be a reflection of how a person feels about me as a person rather than as an employee or coworker. (Obviously, the two are very, very rarely one and the same. But such is how my neurotic head works.) Then I came home to a lovely card and a sweet, thoughtful gift from a California friends' parents just sending love and hellos. It reminded me of just how lucky I am to have, not only a family that is completely supportive of me and all I do, and a sister I consider a friend first and foremost, but also friends and loved ones that have become my family and who continue to show their love and generosity even since I've moved so far away. I am lucky in so many ways, and it all sort of struck me last night, and squeezed my little heart until I couldn't breath for a moment, how grateful I am for the life I have. Funny how a day that started off to angst-y with residual distaste from the day before could end so incredibly positively. Really is a testament to the power of working through things, yes, but also striving to look on the bright side of things.Even the snow that is falling outside of the windows, on this first day of April, can't bring down my spirits today. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I'll see you on Monday!

Pulling myself up by my bootstraps

 [Image via}

Warning: This is a kvetching post. Read on at your own risk, I had to be such a downer. For some reason, I am unable to fully believe in myself in the workplace - self-doubts I never had while I was in school come creeping up into me, and I find myself apologizing for things that are just mistakes as though I'm the only person who ever would have made them. Yes, I have a bit of a Type A perfectionism thing going on that is definitely leftover from school - a 100% was preferred over a 90% every single time in how I viewed my abilities - and yes I have a sort of superiority complex that really can't exist at work, you can't be the best at something new. But I hate not understanding things, and I get frustrated easily, so it would make sense that at each new job, the starting over at the bottom of the ladder is harder and harder.  Yesterday my boss sat down with me and advised me to take my time with tasks and assignments, check over the final products, get verification of responses from the get-go rather than having to go back after-the-fact. And it was all presented to me very professionally and earnestly, although I could tell she was herself frustrated at having to take time to have such a conversation, there was nothing angry or shaming about it, and yet I felt absolutely discouraged. I hate having to be told I'm doing something wrong, or that I could be doing anything better, and even though that is the very point of learning - making mistakes until you get things right, always, always, always having to improve and better your performance, it is still always frustrating for me to hear. Especially because I convince myself that no one else has to hear feedback like mine,. And maybe no one here has, maybe that's the case, but people all over the world receive constructive criticism everyday  (right...?) And it also proves that they want to keep me around, want me to improve (even if it is just that they don't want to go through the hassle of having to find someone new with which to replace me, that really isn't the point) - the point is that I wasn't laid off, I wasn't fired, I wasn't reprimanded harshly, or docked in pay. I was simply spoken to, instructed firmly, and advised to improve. There's nothing so awful about any of that, outside of a bruised ego, so I wish I could just take the lesson as it was intended, bring my best to the workplace everyday, and just do the best that I can, asking questions and getting clarification along the way, no matter how busy or frazzled those who have the knowledge I seek, may seem. I hate being a burden, I hate not getting things, and I hate having tasks pile up, preferring instead to finish things quickly in a manner of big-picture-"well-enough", which are all things that do not bode well in corporate workplaces. So they are things I must improve upon.

That is all that was brought up yesterday - ways for me to improve and become an asset to my team. There is nothing so wrong about that. I just wish my heart and confidence could catch up with my head that speaks like that. And so, I begin this Thursday with a truly venting post, because I ran out of time to journal it last night, and typing is so much faster for me anyway. I do so hope I didn't bring anyone down with my venting, I just had to get some insecurities out. So there you have it. Consistency is the key, keeping myself moving forward and working hard in those moments when I'm burned out and just want to take the easy way out. I can't do that. That's not what a company pays you for. So I gotta keep pushing myself. I just have to do it.

Happy Thursday all, and wish me luck on this self-improvement tour.Also, bravo if you read this whole thing!

Frankenstein!

 {Image via}

I recently attended a televised showing of "Frankenstein", put on by the National Theater in London, and directed by Danny Boyle. With a book written by Nick Dear, and based on Mary Shelley's novel, this theatrical representation of the Gothic novel stars Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller in alternating roles as Victor Frankenstein and his Creature, and it made for a truly engaging night. We were lucky enough to be treated to a pre-show discourse - highlighting the directors'/actors'/literary types' views on the original novel and the adaptation, it was the sort of film that surely would have been looped in the theater's foyer while patrons milled about sipping cocktails before curtain. It certainly set up the show effectively, however, as both Miller and Cumberbatch highlighted their take on the roles of, respectively, the Creature and Frankenstein, which were the same roles our taped version of the play found them in. NYU offered a second viewing of the role reversal but as we had only purchased one set of tickets I am, unfortunately, unable to compare the two. 

 {Image via}

Boyle's adaptation of Shelley's novel skirted gently along several of the standard discussion topics of this story - landing heavily on neither Man-Playing-God nor the question of what is it to be human, although very much representing the Creature as the victim of his situation. Such tends to be the case, both in film representations of the novel and in other theatrical endeavors, but it must be stated that without Miller's endearing take on the Creature, it may have been easy to see him as strictly that, sans the human elements that  made the Creature's fate so heartbreaking. Cumberbatch's Frankenstein felt a bit more one-dimensional. Egotistical and driven to prove his dominance over the intelligence of his fellow-man even as this drive destroyed all that defines one as human - family, love, empathy for your fellow man, Cumberbatch made it hard to sympathize with Frankenstein's end-game, and whether that was a conscientious decision on his part or the director's, it did not make for equality in what is essentially a 2-character storyline.

 {Image via}

In sum, I just have to say that the chance to have seen this performance live would have been nothing short of breathtaking. In the theater, once the film stopped rolling, the audience clapped right along with the telecast London audience, and we even followed in their footsteps with an encore curtain call. With delightful actors, fluid sets, and strong direction, the National Theater's "Frankenstein" made for a not-to-be-missed night.

 {Image via} 

"Frankenstein" is produced by the National Theater in London, located at South Bank, London SE1 9PX, and plays at the Olivier Theater  through May 2, 2011. It has a running time of 2 hours, without an intermission, and tickets can by purchased by calling +44 (0)20 7 452 3000 or emailing boxoffice@nationaltheatre.org.uk.

Exploration

 Since moving to New York City I haven't been doing too much exploring, considering how expansive the 5 boroughs of New York are.But I feel that going for a meal in a new neighborhood is a perfect reason to make a night of exploring, which is how I found myself in Astoria, Queens last night, dining on a truly fabulous burger at Sweet Afton. I know I just wrote about eating burgers a few posts ago, and I actually don't eat them with such regularity as it would seem, but truly, this may have been the best burger I've ever eaten. A fact which was was 100% due to the bun. It was more like a roll, was hearty and didn't crumble at any point during the meal. Fab. Added bonus? The bar itself is quaint too, open beamed ceilings, dimly lit, with quick, friendly service, and a good selection of drinks. I highly recommend you check this place out; after all, a good burger in a relaxed bar always makes for a good night!.

Sweet Afton Bar is located at 30-09 34th Street, Astoria, NY 11103, or they can be reached at (718) 777-2570

Kickin' off the week

Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.

This weekend was a very lovely one - I ate a delicious meal with friends Friday night, had a friend in town for a whirlwind tour of the city Saturday, and on Sunday had brunch with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in awhile, and saw a truly fantastic telecast of the National Theater's production of "Frankenstein" - which was an all-around magnificent performance.Then I awoke this morning, admittedly tired and facing a full day, but was greeted by the sun. The wind may be cold and brisk, but the skies are clear and I just have to hope that soon, soon, Spring will come. Regardless, more on "Frankenstein" will come soon, when I have more time to properly speak on it, but until then, I hope everyone's week starts off on as high as note as mine!

Finally!

 {Image via}

After a particularly trying week and a nearly constant state of dissatisfaction - I apologize to you, dear friends, if too much of my apathy and restlessness annoyingly seeped through these recent posts - I am thrilled to welcome Friday into my life! Despite my general angsty-ness, I have been squirreling in some spoiled me time in the evenings lately, watching "Sex and the City" while doing laundry, drinking wine in the quiet of my picked-up apartment, and enjoying how much later the sun stays up during my walks home from work.Yes, I'm a neatnik and I enjoy the simple things. So here's to a weekend of more of that, along with the company of a good friend who will be staying with me, albeit briefly.  (Also, everyone love how I can't be bothered to post pictures I've actually taken anymore? Me too. It so perfectly highlights my laziness.) Let the weekend commence!

 {Image via}

{Image via}