Wednesday, September 14, 2011


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I am blessed with a beyond-amazing family. [And the humbling realization that this publication is actually quite public and is not the personal journal as I've sort of been viewing it these past few weeks. But that is neither here nor there.] I received a concerned call last night from my family, asking after yesterday's post - how much trouble was I in, what was going on. Did I need help? The preference being that they help me financially as they could, and be reimbursed directly by me rather than me falling deeper into a hole of credit card interest. No stipulations, just the offer. Generous and earnest. If you need help, we will help you. The facts were there - odds are good my lease is iron-clad and breaking it will not be an option, and why knowingly fall into more debt if there is someone who can stop the issue's spiraling now? I am not sure I will take the help - I feel ridiculous enough having gotten myself into this predicament, and I feel taking the help would make me feel even more shame-faced. Yet, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will feel infinitely more foolish and sickened should the interest start adding up faster than I can keep up with, and I will be faced with the knowledge that I could have alleviated so much stress from the get-go. And family does for family. It's not a handout, as I was earnestly reminded, it's not a bail-out. It's just a plug in the hole that I would pay back directly. So I very well may take the offer; I slept horribly last night and if that was only Night 1 of this monetarily-influenced mental state, I will need to take care of this sooner than later.

I am one of the lucky few who has family willing and able to help, would turning it down be, not only rude, but foolish? To bite the hand that feeds me, or something similar? I am incredibly, blessedly lucky to have such family. That I felt judged by no one but myself, and that the offer was swift and precise, no strings, no reprimands. Perhaps thanks to an understanding that the daughter they raised does not have an established habit of getting herself into these scrapes, or perhaps moreso thanks to the sheer fact that this is their daughter? And again I can't understand how I am so lucky in this life.

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