Wednesday, August 31, 2011


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It really is amazing what a social creature I am. Just as I'm starting to feel the residual effects of a night with no sleep in a Chicago airport, a certain doubt of living sans roommates as I am not sure living alone is good for my sanity, and a certain missing of family now that a slated trip to visit sister and friends in NorCal has to be cancelled, I am surrounded by friends, at least in a virtual sense. As if the universe knew exactly what I needed to preserve my sanity today, and sent it forward. As potentials for A.) a friend's residency in New York and B.) trip planning between a friend's stint in Virginia and her pop into New York come into existence, I am feeling wonderfully less alone. A phone call to an old co-worker last night reminded me that, even with distance, I am cared for, and a tentative sun-bathing plan for one day this weekend with a new friend, make all the loneliness that this city has held for me of late seem less-so. A truly wonderful turn of events, I must say. Now, if I can only get through the day today and then force myself to bed early...starting fresh into the world of "True Blood" keep me wanting to see what happens next episode after episode. Happy Wednesday all!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


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Well, the trip to New Orleans was fantastic, being able to spend a week with my family was beyond incredible, the wedding was a great time, and apparently there was a little hurricane warning here on the East Coast that kept me stranded in Chicago's O'Hare Airport overnight Sunday night and forced me to spend all of Monday in flight and on the Newark to New York City Shuttle, which could not have taken longer if they had tried. Still, I was able to sleep in my own bed last night, and I am back to the grind this morning. As I am a failure at all things picture-related, I did not even bring my camera on this trip and as such I have no lovely photos with which to regale. Thus you will have to be satisfied with the fact that I went to a voodoo shop, held a baby gator on a swamp tour, and went through a cemetery tour to gaze in awe at all the tombs as New Orleans buries their dead above ground. An amazing trip, to be sure, and Lake Charles was also nice, as much time was spent out by the hotel pool so I finally got a taste of my usual summer color again. All said, it's good to be home!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Going to Louisiana!

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That's right friends, I will be away from this little blog of personal musings - and, of late, angst - all next week as I will be going down south for a family wedding. We're starting our own family trip in New Orleans and will travel east to the wedding destination later in the week. I am quite excited to see New Orleans, a place that honestly I really may never have ventured to on my own, so it will be a wonderful way to experience a brand new city about which I have always heard so much, as well as reunite with my family. I haven't been down south since I was a pre-teen and went to visit a dear friend's family in Alabama, so this will be a comparatively new experience. I have been given copious recommendations of places to dine and see in New Orleans so the fact that we are only going to be there a handful of days is proving more and more difficult  to swallow. Still, I hope you all have wonderful weekends and enjoyable, productive weeks next week. I will be sure to regale you with tales upon my return and in the meantime, wish me luck surviving a wedding in the Louisiana heat, as I'm sure it will make the survival I've been so proud of during summer in New York City seem positively laughable.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

so it goes

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It is another gloomy day in Manhattan today, with the threat of thunderstorms in the forecast, and I have to say that there is sort of nothing better than this sort of weather in the summer. I know, who would have thought that I - a beach bunny of the top order - would be fine with gloomy, rainy summer weather? But it's not just marine layer, it's true storm weather, and New York is not a beach town by any stretch of the imagination - for me to get to the beach (which I have done only a handful of times this summer) takes a solid 2 hours per way on public transportation. This creates a day excursion to go hop in the water. As such, if the weather wants to be stormy, wet, and threaten thunder and lightening while I'm safely ensconced in my office anyhow, bring it on! It almost makes the process of getting up everyday day and taking the same walk to work and sitting in the same cubicle for hours at a time almost cozy. It's the rain, thunder and lightening that does it though, make no mistake about that. I love storms, I love the threat of storms, so the remainder of this week and weekend are keeping me in a rather contented - if slightly sleepy and perhaps emotionally exhausted - state of mind. Happy Thursday all!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

the hardest thing...

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...for me, I think, is taking things one day at a time. Waking up, trying to savor each moment, looking only to what needs to be done that day. I am an over-thinker, an over-analyzer, I am a compulsive-planner. I look to the future far more often than I remain in the present. So I must try to do better, so my life doesn't pass me by...focus on each day as it's own entity, nothing more needs to be thought about or worried over beyond that one 24-hour time span...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

gloomy days

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After a weekend of non-stop rain, thunder and lightning - which yours truly thoroughly enjoyed - it appeared to be clearing up last night. However, upon waking this morning, another cloud-filled rain-threatening sky welcomed me. I must say though, the weather sort of synced up with my mood and I'm finding myself feeling cozy and content with the continued gloomy weather. I got to watch my new favorite show "Rizzoli and Isles" last night, and walked to work today with some Irish punk putting a pep in my step - Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys - to not only embrace the rather Ireland-feeling dampness of the morning, but also to keep me in mind of the fantastic new TV show I just can't help looking forward to. Even better? A friend of mine properly set up my television so that, even with only the basic cable chord plugged in, I am able to get many more channels than I ever thought possible. I would not have even considered fiddling around with the "menu" function on my remote, but lo and behold now I will be able to watch more shows - including my new favorite story of two Boston-based besties - from the comfort of my own home! Surely this will come wonderfully in-handy as winter creeps upon us and gallivanting between the train and friends' houses becomes less and less ideal a way to spend time after work or on the weekends.

Monday, August 15, 2011


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I've been thinking a lot lately, as I come upon my first year in the city, about my future in Manhattan. A week or two ago, I must be honest with you, I was fairly certain I would begin the hunt for jobs back in California and look to make the rest of my lease extent (through June 2012) my last year here. However, as the days have passed and my mood has shifted and normalized a bit more, I am heeding the advice of my wise younger sister who cautioned me to make no decisions until after an upcoming family wedding, and an upcoming weekend spent in San Francisco over Labor Day weekend. She advised that I might just be having a severe bout of homesickness, that I should get some good doses of family and then see how I was feeling. I'm sure she's right and, as as born-and-raised-New-Yorker-transplanted-to-California-former-co-worker advised me when I made the move east, "You're going to have to ride the wave. There will be days where missing your family and friends and "home" will be so much you'll just want to cry. But that will pass, and the next wave you'll love your adopted home again." And she was right, as I am already feeling undeniably more confident again in my decision to reside within this city, and I'm sure my upcoming family time will do my soul the good it needs.

So when I stepped back to look again, at what it might be that was making me homesick - was it worth leaving Manhattan already? - I came upon a certain realization that it might be Manhattan that was the problem, not so much the east coast itself. Yes I miss the beach and the desert, and yes this upcoming second winter may solidify a hatred of seasons, but I think I am getting overwhelmed by the compact nature of Manhattan, I think I am craving a bit more space, a bit more open sky, yes kids, it's true - I am fantasizing about moving to a borough. I, who scoffed at friends who warned me not to live in the city, who insisted I would get claustrophobic and be constantly broke and stressed out, oh how I rolled my eyes. I certainly wasn't moving to New York to not live in Manhattan! And I suppose that's a fine instinct to have had, I do think I would have wondered had I truly never lived in the city, but since I have done so, and I can now agree with their statements of a certain stressed out claustrophobia, a certain constant gnawing of financial worries on the brain, a certain suffocation from lack of open sky or constant sunlight or windows looking out at something other than brick and shade and other buildings. And so I think my next move - in the far off month of June - may indeed be to one of the boroughs. Probably Brooklyn, but perhaps Queens, depending on proximity to trains, rental prices, neighborhoods. It's sort of exciting to have another sort of goal, and sort of ironic that as soon as I have settled myself in to one studio - put up shelves and bought a couch and determined to make it "home" - I am already itching for another change.

I guess it all just means that I am still growing and changing and learning about myself. I guess it means that, even as I feel like I should be meeting someone, falling in love, working towards a marriage, planning for a family,working towards the purchase of a home, doing all the things that friends my age are doing and that society slowly but surely makes me feel like I should really have already begun just might not fit for me yet. I'm still unsure of  my next move, unsettled in my current state of being. Is this a constant of life? Does everyone feel this vague sense of ansy-ness in spurts throughout their entire lives? Is it true that I will meet someone one day and feel content and happy to stay put, to nest, to just be? Or do these feelings come in waves for everyone? Now I feel content, now I could sit and read and be with this person, or be by myself, and then a few months later feel the familiar itch to move on, to do something new, to try something different, to redefine yourself in some way? Is this just life, the way it goes? Perhaps. Probably even.

Perhaps I should stop trying to find the point of "done" and stop trying to race towards a moment in my life where I can finally stop and relax and have "made it." Because perhaps that doesn't ever happen. So perhaps it's okay to have moved across the country, and to be unsure I want to stay, and to no longer love the place I assumed I would renew a lease for...Perhaps it's okay to keep on moving along, stopping when something feels right and good, and then moving along again when for whatever reason it no longer does. Maybe that's just life.

PS - That picture? Just felt sort of New York to me this morning, and it was sort of a silly chuckle-picture in hopes that I remind myself more frequently that life is too short for all the fretting I put into it. Happy Monday all!

Friday, August 12, 2011


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Welp, I didn't sleep enough last night. But I did watch the finale of "So You Think You Can Dance" which was just as emotional as I had suspected it might be. I have never followed the show very religiously, but friends have been taping and DVR-ing their favorite dances and showing them to me after-the-fact for years, so I feel as though I know the magic of the show. I've watched a bit more of this season because a friend of mine is obsessed with it, and I was actually happy with how it turned out, although I was torn between all four of the finalists. The show is also so good for turning me on to new music I might not otherwise know about - last night for instance, it turned me on to Busta Rhymes' "Break Ya Neck" which was my soundtrack as I walked to work this morning. Truly put a pep in my step and made me feel like I could take on anything. Not a bad way to start a weekend!

Thursday, August 11, 2011


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Sometimes, the best thing you can look forward to in the morning, is the promise of that first cup of coffee. This morning, I poured mine over ice. And truly, it is lovely. Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

sweet sweet sleep

I am most certainly like a baby in my need for sleep. I haven't been sleeping very well this week, and yesterday I hit a point of zombie-dom that could only be remedied be having a quiet night to myself, which I very much enjoyed. I read a new book, watched a special on folk music on TV, took a nap after work and then slept pretty soundly post-nap as well. I'm still a little sleepy today - it usually takes me a couple nights of solid sleep to make up for neglectful sleep cycles - but a walk to work humming along to Joan Baez's "Diamonds and Rust" helped as well. Here's to another night of solid sleep tonight, and I hope you all have a wonderful hump day today!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

sick of ... summer?

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Well guys, I never in my life thought I would ever say this, but I am getting sick of summer. The humidity and stickiness just sit in the air on this east coast, there's no breeze in the city, and you are just constantly hot and sweaty and disgusting every time you're outside for any length of time. It's too much. I am craving dry heat, Santa Ana winds, air that makes my fingers crack and my lips taste salty. That's how intense my distaste for this humidity has become. When I made the decision to move to New York, my Dad insisted he loved the winters and falls of the east coast, but that he could never live there due to the summers. I was sure he was wrong, and indeed I didn't even have such a distaste for it until recently. But now, three months of a constantly damp self has perhaps brought me to my breaking point. Why this morning, when I could no longer sleep - even in my air conditioned apartment - and I took to begin my commute to work at 5:45 am rather than my usual 7:15 time, the air was already heavy and muggy. C'mon fall, bring me what you got and let's see how my second round of New York seasons goes...

Monday, August 8, 2011

weekend fun

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I had myself a very enjoyable weekend! Kicked off with Britney and Nicki Minaj - a Friday night that, I gotta say, feels like it was much further away than just two days ago. Saturday was spent catching up with my old roommate and some mutual friends at the lovely Loreley's on the LES - although it also served to remind me why I don't like to day-drink. The whole next day I was tired and head-ache-y, and all that after having dozed and lounged around in bed until 1 pm on Sunday! It probably doesn't help that the humidity in New York City does not let up, and that I'm used to day-drinking when there is an ocean nearby to jump into and wake oneself up. Still, I enjoyed my weekend immensely and was sorry to have to wake up for work this morning, Still, so it goes so it goes and we must get back to it!

Friday, August 5, 2011


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We've arrived at Friday. Huzzah! I have a Britney Spears concert tonight, which a dear friend is gifting me for my birthday, and I will be reuniting with an old friend tomorrow for some beer garden excitement during the day, so hopefully this weekend will be off to a good start. I hope your Fridays are all equally promising, and I also hope that next week my posts will become less dull and miniscule. I'm not very good at multitasking so until my life is a little more squared away I'm afraid I just can't make any promises. But it'll get there, have no fear of that!

Thursday, August 4, 2011


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Sometimes, conscious positivity is the best asset you can possibly have. Mostly I hate how promising my mornings always feel, yet how that positivity and promise tends to ebb and flow as the day continues on. Thus, my aim for today will be to be mindful of my mental state, and try to maintain a positive outlook through the workday. Wish me luck and I hope everyone's Thursday is off to a great start!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

if only.

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Today I would like to be away from everything. Maybe walking alongside these charming houses...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


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I've recently been turned onto "Rizzoli and Isles" - a show on TNT about a female detective and a female coroner who work together and are best friends - and it has really gotten me to appreciating just how beautiful Angie Harmon is. She has that effortless 70's chic that is gifted only to those naturally tall, thin women who are not quite rakish - she does have lovely dimples - but who exude willowy grace nonetheless. Basically, every time I see an episode I just want to throw on a long dress, a pair of sandals, and go sunning near a wooden hot tub. She strikes me as quintessentially California - presumably, though, because she reminds me of how I imagine my Aunt Maureen to have looked although I do not remember her in reality as she died in a car crash when I was but three - which is funny because the show she stars in is set in Boston. Regardless, here are some photos of the glamorous Angie Harmon to get your Tuesdays off to a pretty start.
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Monday, August 1, 2011

i must remind myself - i have a new month for new beginnings...

"...I gave you the moon and the stars to keep / But you gave them back to me..."
- Brandi Carlile

I really think that it's hardest to say good-bye to someone early on in the dating stage...when that promise of what may come still hangs in the air, and the hope that you were pretty sure had wilted away has bravely raised its little head again. Still...if both parties don't feel that same optimism for a future, there really can't be one, can there?

happy august

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We've made it to a brand new month. A month that for yours truly includes seeing my lovah Britney with my other love - a dear friend from college - who is treating me to the show as a birthday gift (crazy generous, I know!) as well as a family wedding down south. Yup, no return trip to sunny Southern California for me, I instead will be venturing to Louisiana. Details to come and surely a report on the trip once it arrives at the end-o-the-month. In the meantime, I hope everyone's first day of August is refreshing, and that you can all relish these last remaining days of summer - or continuing days of winter depending on your geographic location...don't worry, soon it will be spring and then summer for you, too! As for this picture, it really was simply because it put me in a rather chipper mood. And sometimes on a Monday you really need a little chipper pick-me-up.