worn

I feel like the past month I have been running non-stop, fretting about and hunting for housing, fretting and worrying about the timing of my old place being rented out and my ability to find a new place, worries about money, money, money, worries about whether New York really was the place for me or whether it had beaten me and it was time to pack it in. I feel like I've just been a stress ball since October 1. I am happy to report, however, that even in all that running-to-viewings, making it to work on-time, and trying to spend as little money on necessities as humanly possible, I still managed to make myself get into the gym on the 4 days a week allotted for ensuring I get some weight training in. My eating has been abhorrent, sporadic and incredibly unhealthy, but at least the weights have helped to keep me sane. I very much believe it was a saving grace that, for 30 minutes in a day, I was able to focus only on the feeling of my muscles contracting, focus only on the pride of lifting a pound heavier than I'd managed the last week. When I saw this picture, I felt like it hit two nails on the head - first, my relief at - for the first time in so many weeks - not having to think about where I'm going to live or how I'm going to pay a deposit, and second, the reason I keep pushing myself to make it to the gym for weights. I want to increase strength and capability, I want to stop relying so heavily on outside sources for my emotional strength, and I think a good manifestation of that effort, for me, is to push for a strong physical self. Regardless, this picture seemed fitting for today, so there it is.